can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
