you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
