dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
