i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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