dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
