Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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