i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
