i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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