pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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