Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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