whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
