I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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