i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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