i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
