The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
