Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
