I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize