I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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