Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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