So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
