You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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