marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
