I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
did i walk over a car last night?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
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