I wannas sexs uuuuu
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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