Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sext me about skeletons
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize