The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
