Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
