in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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