i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
this beer tastes like vomit already
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Princesses don't give blow jobs
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
