the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize