What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
never play flip cup with pint glasses
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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