That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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