broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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