oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
