whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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