brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
