Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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