Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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