just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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