my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize