Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
