I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like a drive thru vagina
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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