And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
