We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
