I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
