one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
