I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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