it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Boobs speak an international language.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
