I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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