I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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