Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
