There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's always time for handjobs
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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