Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
