Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Randomize
