You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize