You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
