im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
