he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ladies don't puke and tell
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
