i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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