I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
