youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
