i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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