i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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