best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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