I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
